Lost In Beauty-

Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm crying because my heart's broken.

It's been broken ever since I grew up.

It's been broken way before i met you.

You just added that one little crack that will make it irreparable.

that will make it broken forever.

Sometimes, I think of crying some more, because somehow, along with all the tears that wash out of me, I hope that the thought of you will too. But the more I cry, the more empty I feel, the more it seems like I care.

You took my breath away when I met you.

You still take my breath away now.

I can't talk to you for fear of falling in this pit all over again. I'm just reaching the surface. I'm almost there. Seeing you everyday, makes me slide down further.

So when or if I ever talk to you again, at least you'll know. You'll know that it's all over. That it doesn't mean anything anymore. Even though, my heart is still with you.

You took out my emotions and replaced them with knifes.

And now I step precariously around my heart, hoping it doesn't crumble, hoping everything will hold together.

Amongst all of this emotion, I know one that rings true right now.

I'm not over you.

I don't know how to get over you.

You scare me so much it makes me wanna lock myself away and not come out.

Why you ask? I don't think anybody knows the reason. I know I don't. Maybe it's because you swept me off my feet even though you didn't bother catching me.

the beauty exposed ;

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I think sometimes,

we need that one other person.

The one other person who doesn't know your heart.

Who doesn't know your secrets.

Then tell them everything.

Open up the treasure chest.

Show them the gems, and the shards of glass and the rocks and the sand.

Expose it all.

Tell them to take some away.

To share it with you.

So that it's not all yours.

Because you can't handle the weight.

Because you can't keep it anymore.

It'll take courage.

It'll take trust.

It'll take imagination.

But sometimes, we need that one other person.

The outsider.

The alien.

To take everything away.

To leave only a little behind.

So that we,

our hearts,

our spirits,

can start anew.

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, August 22, 2010

insanity.

going mad. going crazy.

losing hope.

feeling it slip away from you.

like water through a sieve.

flowing.

unrelentless.

unstoppable.

you said it all when you said goodbye.

it was right there in your eyes.

telling me you didn't care.

When we sat next to each other,

I could almost touch the emptiness inside of you.

a big black nothing.

that swallows up all your courage.

all your pride. all your trust.

all that's yours.

i kept feeling your heart break.

over and over.

like running yourself into a brick wall.

and expecting not to get hurt.

insanity.

doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

insanity.

us.

insanity.

the beauty exposed ;

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sometimes, you have to give thanks for what you have.

There are people in this world, who have nothing.

People in this world, who don't know if they're gonna live to see another day.

There are people in this world, who you can't even imagine are living the way they are.

Alone.

Helpless.

Bare.

Losing a friendship like this, it hurts now. But think of all the other people who are hurting in this world.

Lovers.

Children.

Outcasts.

The people who have fallen through the cracks.

Remember when you wanted to help these people? Isn't that why you're doing what you're doing? Remember that. Remember your mission. Live it. Breathe it in. The possibility of bringing hope for others outweighs any hope that you have left for yourself.

This is your mission.

Ready.

Set.

Go.

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, August 20, 2010

Dear A,

You asked me when I started liking you. So here's my answer.

I started liking you the moment I saw you. The way you looked at me as I walked into the room. The way you asked D- to introduce us. The way you looked in that white shirt of yours.

I started liking you the moment I saw you.

But I thought nothing of it. I didn't want to listen to my own thoughts because I felt that my dreams mattered more.

To compound the matter, my friends told me that you were creepy, weird, arrogant and distasteful. I stopped myself then. No more.

Then you started talking to me.

And you weren't like that at all. You were nice, sweet, funny. People kept saying stuff about you. Stuff that I thought was bad and horrible. For example, remember that time? when you said that thing? that made that person kinda upset? I'm getting off topic. But my point is.

I liked you anyway.

Once you started talking to me, that was it. 5 days later, I told you. It wasn't supposed to come out that way. All rushed, and clumsy. I wanted to tell you in person but I didn't know how. Seeing you made my voice freeze.

5 days, that's all it took. 5 days for me to fall for you. But i've gotta say, out of all the boys i've liked and dated, you're the one I fell for the most. Hell, I fell for you hard. Hell, I don't even know if I can get up again.

My point you're asking? I like you A. I really do.

Love,

the beauty exposed ;

Monday, August 16, 2010

how do you know when enough is enough?

when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you see the person who was born however many years ago?

or do you see a mars bar, with it's wrapper undone, nibbled away till the very last crumb of chocolate. fragile, smooth, broken.

when we pass our hearts on to others, each person takes a bite out of our being.

we're being chipped away.

carved.

perfected.

moulded into something that we have no control over.

when you decide to give your heart to someone. think about your mars bar.

how much chocolate can you spare to give?

the beauty exposed ;

Saturday, August 14, 2010

When you say someone's sweet, what does that mean?

is it because they're full of sucrose and if you tolerate too much of them it'll make you fat?

or is it because after having them, you're filled with a satisfied feeling, you get a wave of something other than life itself. you want more and more until you can't have any. because you're too big to fit the dimensions of the world.

i'm in a bad mood.

sorry.

the beauty exposed ;

Monday, August 09, 2010

Do you want to know

What I think about.

Everyday.

Do you want to know

What I want.

Every moment.

What I hope for.

Every second.

Do you wanna know why

I can get up in the morning

All alone,

In this

Room.

Because i keep thinking you're just around the next corner.

I have this dream

That one day

I'm going to look out the window,

And there you are.

Smiling

Me.

Like you never left.

Like all that grief

was washed away.

With all the tears

I ever

Cried

For

You.

Then you take me in your arms, and hug me in the rain.

Then take me up to heaven.

And erase all my pain.

Like pencil marks on paper.

Like dust on a table.

Like a breath

In the wind.

We're gone.

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, August 08, 2010

I am tired, beloved,

Of chafing my heart against the want of you;

Of squeezing it into little inkdrops,

And posting it. (Amy Lowell, The Letter)

i miss you like hell.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. (Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes)

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Tell me everything, write it all down. That way, we'll be with each other all the time, even if we're not with each other at all.

It's a full moon here tonight, which makes me think of you, half a world away.

I can't think of any reason why fate has made it this way. But I can think of a million reasons why we should hold on.

my life without you has no meaning.

i miss you so much it hurts.

Love,

Always.

the beauty exposed ;